Things that remind me...

April 30th marks the 3 year anniversary of my grandpa's death.

Death is no stranger, my grandmother passed away in 1993, when I was 8 years old. Followed by a myriad of great aunts, great uncles, cousins removed, a police officer I never really knew but that I saw die as he lay on asphalt. My Dad's dad, Grandpa Edwards passed away in 2004 and just last year I lost an uncle, great-uncle, first cousin and grandpa on my husband's side.

In a way, I am grateful that I was exposed to death at an early age. You learn to cope, to process and in a way to numb yourself and while it doesn't make losing someone any easier it makes it  bearable.



So. Raymond Eugene Pressley. Grandfather, father, uncle, brother and at one time so very long ago, husband.

Here are a few things that remind me of him...

Number One: Orange slices

When I was younger and Grandpa lived in Charlotte, we would visit him. He would have an endless supply of these gummy treats as well as Number Two.



Number Two: Mountain Dew

Oh, Mountain Dew. During our visits, he would also have "Good Ole' Mountain Dew" at the ready. Up until he couldn't remember any longer due to his dementia, he would sing "Give me that good ole' Mountain Dew." He would continue with his version of the lyrics, "fill up a bottle or two. I'll hush up my mug if you fill up my jug of that good ole' Mountain Dew." Of course, this song was about mountain moonshine, not the neon yellow, lemon-lime concoction.



Take a listen, you may need to fast forward to about 45 seconds, unless you want to hear Mr. Flatt and Mr. Scruggs talk for a bit



Number Three: Little Debbie Cakes

I would say that Gramps had a sweet tooth. Swiss cake rolls and Oatmeal Creme Pies. Strawberry Ice Cream that he would share with my brother's dog and then deny knowledge of how Hutch got pink all over his snout.

Number Four: Gomer Pyle (played by Jim Nabors)

Gomer Pyle was a character on The Andy Griffith Show and eventually gained his own television sitcom. I honestly don't remember why Gomer reminds me of Gramps. Maybe they favor each other, maybe because he talked about him.



Number Five: The Marine Corps

Grandpa was in the Marine Corps, serving in the Korean War. He was proud of being a marine, as most marines are. He was always randomly saying, "Left, left, left, right, left".

During the latter part of his life, he brought so much joy to our lives. His legacy of redemption will live on.

Welcome Baby Lana!

I haven't posted much about one of my best friends, Vanessa. Our unlikely friendship began almost 12 years ago on the theatre stage of Carolina Forest High School. We have known each other a little longer than 12 years, but the first year was not pleasant.

 

[caption id="attachment_730" align="aligncenter" width="495" caption="Oldest photo that we have online. From 2006...I need to work on getting older photos."][/caption]

You see, Vanessa dated my brother their freshman year of high school. If you have a younger sibling, you know how annoying they can be (I being the younger sibling). Vanessa would call my brother and he would call her and spend hours on the phone talking about who knows what. This annoyed me. I had friends to call and  Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Hanson to talk about. I disliked Vanessa. She took up too much phone time and she was dating my brother so automatically I thought she was gross.

The next year, I tried out for the school musical. I remember seeing her at tryouts and thinking "oh, great. Just who I want to see." It was my first year and high school, her and my brother had since broken up but I still didn't want to see her every week.

God had other plans. At some point during one of the first practices for "Once Upon A Mattress", we started talking. Slowly, a friendship began to form between us and we haven't looked back.

Our friendship grew. We went through awkward phases together, many failed relationships (both romantic and friendship), bachelor and master degrees, family drama, we have both survived heart wrenching miscarriages and have had many laughs and many tears.

We have had our disagreements and fights but have always forgiven each other. We have stood by each other during both of our weddings. We have survived despite a 1,200 miles separation (soon to be 2,900 miles as her and her family are relocating to Fort Lewis, Washington). She has taught me what friendship is and has become my sister. We have formed a bond that many people never have.

As our high school theatre teacher, Wayne Canady, used to say, "You are lucky to find two, true friends in your lifetime." And it is true. But I have found at least one.

[caption id="attachment_731" align="aligncenter" width="495" caption="From our trip to New York City"][/caption]

So, whenever Vanessa told me that she was pregnant last year, I was elated and scared. She had miscarried two years before during a time in our friendship where we weren't talking. It was her husband who messaged me about the miscarriage and my heart broke for her.

But she was finally pregnant again. Each week I prayed for her and her little peanut. As each week passed I was always relieved to know that mama and baby were doing well. Then we found out she was having a baby girl and we rejoiced. I was able to fly out in November to see her and her pregnant belly. I got to see her waddle like a duck and glow. Having a pregnant friend that is far away is so, so hard. I wanted to be able to walk with her through the pregnancy, to touch her belly and feel the kicks, to laugh at her when she couldn't get up off the sofa but then eventually lend a hand. Luckily, I got to do all of that during my brief stay in Oklahoma.

Baby Lana Josephine Keating was born on December 23 at 9:28 pm. She was 8 lbs and 21 1/2 inches long. She is the most beautiful baby girl I have ever seen! I cannot wait until she gets older so I can tell her all of the shenanigans that her mom and I used to get into. (After she is 21, of course).

Congratulations, Rory and Vanessa on bringing a beautiful baby into the world. I pray that she grows up to have the same integrity and beautiful soul that both of you possess.

Clouds

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, more beautiful than being on top of the clouds with a mid-fall sunset shining down on them.
I have seen beautiful things in my 26 years of life. The ocean, stretching as far as the eye can see. Sunsets so colorful that you are sure Crayola would have to create brand new colors to capture them. My sister growing up. My best friend's pregnant tummy.
But the clouds from an airplane's view - the valleys and rounded mounds like mountains of the sky- are untouchable in their beauty.

It would be easy to forget that they are merely water vapor and step out onto them thinking you would be enveloped by the softest fibers on earth - only to fall through, tumbling down through the mist and light.
It breaks my heart that I can't play among the clouds. Skipping from one to the other. Cupping the matter in my hands and throwing it in the air for it to fall back down. Lying in the cradle of comfort with the one I love while he plays with my hair.

It's a shame.

As the cold comes on, thoughts of sweaters and bonfires, hot coffee and cold nights, fuzzy slippers and ice covered windshields, take over my mind.

This morning my windshield was fogged over, everything outside was blurry and I could barely see out. While many of you are thinking, "wow...that is dangerous" yes...it probably is; however, I wasn't driving. 

As I sat there, looking out of the greyish glass, I reflected that the past year felt exactly like what I was seeing. Cloudy, blurry, indistinguishable. I flipped on my wipers and things became clearer. There were still streaks of moisture...I realized I need new wiper blades.

I am in desperate need of new life. For God to come in and take over. It has been so long since I have felt anything: motivation, pure joy, etc... I am numb to everything, going through the motions of everyday life, doing just what needs to be done. I take little to no joy in what I am doing.

Two weeks ago, at Life Group, I felt the Holy Spirit. Before you stop reading and think I'm nuts...let me explain. We were around a table sharing prayer requests. Two girls agreed to pray (one of them not being me). As the first girl began to pray, I felt a strong urge to pray for one of the girls that has trouble sleeping. She wakes up feeling held down as if something is holding her.

So, the first girl continued praying and I felt really hot and my heart started racing. I was going to ignore the promt to pray but once she was finished praying I blurted out the prayer. It was short but I couldn't help but crying...though I really didn't know why I was crying. And my hands started to sweat and the heat was almost unbearable (sorry to the girls that had to hold my hands while praying...)

I don't say this to boast...I say it because that is what I want all the time. I want to feel the Holy Spirit. I want to feel God.

 

On loss and love

I'm not sure how to start this post... but here we go:

On September 25,  which would be mine and Joseph's 1 year anniversary, we were going to announce that we were expecting an amazing little baby. I would have said that I was due April 14 and that we were hoping it to be a boy (though any sex would do). We would have been congratulated and doted upon. We would have started our baby registry and around Thanksgiving we would have found out the sex of the baby. (And hopefully through the process I would have gotten over my fear of needles...eesh).

But sometimes things don't work out. On Sunday, September 4th I began the process of miscarrying. I believe we completely lost the baby on Monday. I never really thought about what it would be like to have a miscarriage. I knew many of my loved ones have been through it but I didn't really know what the process was like and I didn't know about the physical and emotional pain.

It is surreal. Sometimes, I can't believe it. After only 8 weeks, the baby had already become such a huge part of Joseph and I. I want so badly to go back.

I would place my hands over my tummy like I was holding the most precious gift, and I was. I wanted to hold him forever, to keep him safe and cradled until he was ready to come out into the world. My hand still wants to go there to protect him, to keep him in place.

My sister had christened the baby with a name: Lord Voldemort. Not a conventional name to give a precious baby, but it was uniquely his none-the-less. Prior to finding out that I was pregnant, Katelyn was looking through a stage-by-stage pregnancy book. While looking at one of the photos of a baby, she exclaimed "that looks like Lord Voldemort." From then on, the baby in my tummy was known as Lord Voldemort (or Lord Volde for short).

The thought of how big the baby was, how already at 8 weeks, the baby has eyes with eyelids, its little hands and feet are forming. He is about the size of a raspberry. A little raspberry was in my tummy. The thought put me in a constant state of awe - that I was growing a little person.

While there is tremendous sadness and feelings of loss, there are always feelings of happiness - the baby had already brought so much joy to our lives. Joseph and I gained new titles: that of mommy and daddy.

The wound is still fresh, I go through moments of pure sadness thinking of how "I wanted that baby...no other...just that one". I wonder "why" and "what if".  But through it all, God is good. He knows the answers to all my "whys" and "what ifs". And I trust Him with it.

For a slight moment in our lives, we got to experience a different kind of love.  One that will be with us until we pass on.

We cannot thank everyone enough - those that have called, texted and visited. Thank you for loving us.

Things I love...

Here are a few things I love. They are romantic, whimsical, sweet, beautiful and some of them are downright unpractical. That's okay though: Enjoy! (Click on the photo to go to the Etsy shop!)

I found these cuffs on Etsy by JezebelCharms. The cuffs are made out of brass and are printed with quotes and photos. Love, love, love!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/JezebelCharms?ref=pr_shop_more

If you have been around me lately, you know I have a thing for birds. One day while in Michael's I saw these cute, antique-looking ceramic birds. On the display they had said birds perched on top of old, worn out books. Thus began my obsession with the whimsical little creatures.

This lariat necklace features a twig and sparrow and is different and beautiful! 

This photo took my breath away. It makes me long for the ocean. I don't know why but there is something nostalgic about sea oats.



I also wanted to feature one of my dear friend's Etsy shop. She doesn't have anything for sale but I know she makes the most gorgeous paper roses. To all the guys that read this blog, I urge you to order your wife a dozen or so of these beautiful roses. They are shabby/cottage-chic. I have two sitting on the buffet in my dining room and they add an understated beauty to the room. She can make them in any color and even...wait for it....book pages!!!! Eeek! I swoon over anything book related.



Edit: I can't believe that I forgot about my own sis-in-love's etsy shop!!!! Guys...she is such a talented painter among other things. I couldn't decide which painting I loved best so I will post both of them.





 

What's your favorite Etsy shop? Have you bought anything from Etsy?

Insomnia

I like definitions, so I will start this post by defining.

In.som.ni.a [in-som-nee-uh] -  inability to obtain sufficient sleep, especially when chronic;difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness.

I have officially, unofficially self-diagnosed myself with this "disorder". Typically, I find it hard to go to sleep. Joseph is usually in snoozeland before I can say, "good night honey". (Seriously, his head hits the pillow and 5-seconds later he is out. Cold.)

My typical night looks like this:

10:30 pm - Lay down

10:35 pm- Turn over on my side

10:40 pm- Turn over on my other side

10:45 pm- Return to Go. Do not collect $200

11:00 pm - Count sheep that start out as cute, fluffy Serta sheep and end up as zombie sheep

11:05 pm - Pray that said zombie sheep don't eat me

11:15 pm - My mind begins to drift

11:30-midnight - At some point during this time, I fall asleep

2:31 pm - My mind drifts out of dreamland

2:32 pm- Elbow Joseph to deter him from snoring

2:33 pm- Lie awake until the cycle comes back around (minus the zombie sheep)

Almost every night this cycle occurs and for some reason I always wake up between 2:15 and 3:00 am and have the hardest time falling back into blissful slumber.

Oh to be Sleeping Beauty or Snow White; to fall asleep and stay that way, maybe not eternally, but at least for an 8 hour period.

On Fear

First hit the play button and listen to this song while reading the post. Beautiful...



We all have fears. Fear of self, fear of the unknown, fear of spiders, snakes or other creepy crawlies. Fear of public speaking, death, rejection. Fear of loss or love. Fear of water, airplanes, and heights or in my case, fear of needles. Even a fear we don’t think about: grief.

Whatever the fear, no matter how big or small, whether the fear is tangible or mental, it is there. Fear is there.

Fear: [feer] –noun. A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

I think the key phrase is, “whether the threat is real or imagined”. Many people don’t understand my fear. At the mention of shots, IVs needles, I have a fit. I rub my hands together, tense up and sometimes I get light headed. No flu shots for me. I can't give blood. I'm allergic to needles, I promise.

Most people think it’s funny, they don’t understand the psychological fear that comes along with the thought, sight or even the physical application of needles/IVs. But how can they understand, when even I don’t understand my fear?

I can’t remember when the fear started but I do remember the first episode I had regarding needles.

Picture it: Carolina Forest High School 2002. We were having our yearly standardized tests and I was in a classroom with a teacher that I didn’t know. After testing, you are encouraged to bring a book or homework to work on while waiting for everyone else to finish. I brought a book that described in detail the methods of chemotherapy (I wish I could remember the name of the book…it was good).

After reading a few of the graphic lines, I started seeing spots that turned into tunnel vision. I felt very warm and after a few minutes got up and asked the teacher if I could go to the restroom. I made it to the hallway, right outside of the classroom door. I pressed my cheek against the cool, concrete walls. Next thing I know, I’m on the ground and the school’s resource officer was standing over me asking if I had taken any drugs. Drugs? Really? No. I hadn’t taken any drugs. Unless you consider literature a drug.

And may I remind you, I have a tattoo! (I almost passed out while getting tatted...but I didn't pass out...)



The second episode was similar as it happened at school. It was during health class, when the girls and boys separated to talk about safe sex, birth control and the like. It also happened to be the only day that year that I wore a skirt. While the teacher was talking about Depo-Provera and Norplant (implanted birth control methods), I started to get the same tunnel vision. “Seriously Jessica? Again?” I thought.

My mom had told me if it happened again, to put my head between my legs. Yeah…I was really going to do that in the middle of class with a skirt on. Again, I got hot and the next thing I know, I’m on the floor. Again, no drugs.

Another favorite story is when I went to the health department to get my shots for Africa. One of the teenagers who was accompanying us to Africa went in before me. She came out and said, “Oh it’s nothing”.

The nurse calls my name. And since I am a big girl, I asked my mom to come back with me. The nurse took me to an office, with a desk and two chairs. She asked me to sit in one of the chairs. She came back into the room and had the needles with her. I gently commented that she should have me lay down as I would pass out otherwise.

She reluctantly led me back to a room with an examination table. I lay down and the shots were administered and the whole time, tears were streaming down my face. The shots didn’t hurt necessarily, it was the fear that took over my emotions and the tears didn’t stop.  However, I didn’t pass out.

So, I pass out and freak out. The fear is so great that I pass out. I get so freaked out that my body goes into shock and I drop like a fly.

I have tried to process the fear, to think about why I fear something as common and ordinary as getting a shot. I know it doesn’t hurt. I’ve had IVs, shots and have had blood drawn and overall there is little or no pain.

It isn’t the thought of medicine going into my veins. It’s the thought of a needle being in my body. As I type this, my heart is racing and I have the urge to rub my hands so the phantom needle will go away.

What is your fear? How do you cope with it? Do you avoid it completely? Do you face it head on?

Blue Star Mothers

There is a cause that burns deep in my heart. That cause is the care of our military. Many family members and friends have served in the military from the Army, Navy, Marines, Airforce and Coast Guard (we love all branches in my family).

Whether or not you agree with our military being overseas, whether you are a republican or a democrat and whether or not you know someone who has served or who is serving: it is our responsibility to pray for, to care for and to support our soldiers.

That being said: I have a grand opportunitiy for you to be able to serve. It won't cost you a thing (unless you want to donate, which is completely cool with me) and it will only take you about 30 seconds...maybe 52 seconds but who's counting?

Four Star Plumbing and Air Conditioning is giving away $1,000 to a lucky non-profit organization. Who should that organization be, you ask? The Blue Star Mothers of Coastal Carolina, of course.

Click here and scroll down to the very bottom of the site. Fill out your information and where it says "HORRY COUNTY Non-Profit or Charity Organization Name for Nomination" just type "Blue Star Mothers of Coastal Carolina".

Go ahead, do it. I'll wait....(be sure to vote EVERYDAY!)

Okay. Now that you're done, let me tell you a little bit about who you are voting for. Blue Star Mothers of Coastal Carolina constists of a group of loving parents who have sons and daughters that are currently serving in the United States Military. They are a non-proft, non-sectarian and non-political organization that lives to support one another and to send support to troops.

Through Blue Star Mothers of Coastal Carolina, you can donate items to be sent overseas, donate funds for postage to send the packages or attend an event in support of the Blue Star Mothers of Coastal Carolina.



If you are interested in joining the BSMCC, you can click here for more information.

Also, I have a vested interest as my cousin is serving overseas and his momma (also my cousin) is a Blue Star Mother.

Even though their children aren't with them, they bring them to every event via a picture on a stick. (Usually everything is better on a stick...but for some reason a picture on a stick isn't as good as the real person).

Go vote!

Life is fleeting

The last few weeks have brought a myriad of emotions to both sides of my family.

It started with the passing of my husband’s grandfather, Pop. Then my first cousin, Lana Carol Beaty. Next, it was my Great Uncle Eugene and finally, yesterday, my Uncle Gregg. The first three passed within days of each other, making for a very hard week.

A week full of tears and laughter. A week of longing to hear the voice of our loved ones just one more time. A week of peace knowing that all those who were suffering were in a better place.

***Side note. I hate when people say “so and so is in a better place”. Though it is true (hopefully...as hell is a VERY real place that souls go to) it just sounds so cliché. End side note***

However, this past weekend was full of wedding bliss. I was able to watch two amazing couples join together in the wonderful (yet tough) union of marriage.

Then, there was the birth of my cousin’s baby, Sadie Lynn.

While all of these events have greatly affected my life the past few weeks, the two events I want to focus on both happened on June 13. The death of Uncle Gregg at around 12:30 am and the birth of Sadie Lynn at around 8:01 pm.

While God took an amazing man from our family, He also gave us a new life. While we continue to mourn for the life that once was, we celebrate the life that now is. While we cry over the last breath of Uncle Gregg, we are rejoicing at the first breath of Sadie Lynn.

I am reminded of the scripture found in Job 1:01-22, “ He said, 'Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the lord.' Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.”

When we lose someone, we are quick to anger, to blame God, to ask why. Anyone will tell you that these are all ways to cope with loss. But Job makes such a beautiful point. God gives. God takes. He is the source of balance and He is also our comforter.  He replaces mourning with joy. Weariness with strength.

That isn’t exactly where I wanted to go with this post. I wanted to point out the perfect beauty of birth, life and death.

Enjoy the song from Live...it is kind of appropriate. Kind of.



The end.

About a man...

This is the speech I wrote for my grandpa's funeral a little over two years ago. Speaking at his funeral, recounting his life and talking about the man I knew as grandpa is one of the greatest memories I have. As you can see, his life was one of stuggle, addiction and finally redemption....



"Today we are not mourning the death of Raymond Eugene Pressley. We are celebrating the life he lived and his reunion with our Heavenly Father. 

Grandpa was a proud man, serving three years in the United States Marine Corp, spending 13 months in the Korean War.

In his early days, he was fond of having friends over and cooking out. He was the master of the grill serving up grilled steaks and baked potatoes. He retired from Town and Country Ford inCharlottewhere he was given the responsibility of opening the service department and closing it down. While at Town and Country he met some of his greatest friends. During his brief stay in a nursing home about three months ago, dementia had already settled into the depths of his mind, he constantly yelled out random names including “Momma” and “Pinkie”. We explained who these people were to the nurses. However, the nurses were puzzled when he would yell out “Lonzo! Lonzo!” but we knew what he meant. Alonzo was one of his greatest friends at Town and Country Ford. Ultimately, he was devoted to his friends, family and his career. 

He was proud of his children, David a Union County Police Officer, his daughter-in-law Tammy who he fondly called “Slammin’ Tammy,” his daughter Beth, a Registered Nurse, his son-in-law Chris who helped take care of him in the last year of his life.

 Grandpa also found tremendous joy in his grandchildren. His oldest grandson Drew followed in the footsteps of his uncle, becoming a Horry County Police Officer. Grandpa lovingly called Drew’s wife Heather “Half Pint”. There is Brandon whom he called “Bran-Man”. He is graduating this year and attendingCentralPiedmontCommunity College. Katelyn was his little girl who he called “Katie-Pooh”. She is also graduating this year and attending Coastal Carolina University. 

To Brandon and Katelyn, I want you two to know that Grandpa will be walking with you across the stage as you graduate. He is so proud of you as we all are. 

Then there is me a Graduate student at USC. He rarely called me Jessica preferring to affectionately mispronounce my name as “Jessic-er”. 

He was elated when he was able to visit his sister Jennie Mae and his brother Harold around Christmas time. Out of 8 children these were the remaining three. After the visits, he couldn’t stop talking about the joy that the visits brought him. 

Grandpa lost two of the most important people early in his life His first son, Raymond Eugene Pressley, Jr. died at a mere 13 months old and even though my nana Gwen or as he called her “Pinkie” and him divorced many years before, he came to see her right before she died of lung cancer in 1993 and never stopped loving her. 

Her death marked a milestone in my grandfather’s life. It was the time when he put down the bottle and picked up his heart and life. He became the model grandfather, teaching us all how to drive…which may be the reason for my lead foot. He was always willing to play a game of blackjack or Uno and told us stories of his time in the Marines, stories that we hold dear to our hearts. 

He had many sayings which probably wouldn’t make sense unless you knew him. After drinking a cold drink he would exclaim “Woo Woo Welches”. He would speak random Korean words that he learned in the service, one being “Ichiban”. When saying hello to someone he would say “Hello Wall”. This saying finally made sense when he was at the nursing home. He was a speed racer in his wheel chair and would bump into a wall and exclaim “Hello Wall”. Finally, he would say “Guess what”. We would ask him “What?” He would grin and affectionately say “I love you”. 

And lets not get started on his Gomer Pyle references…all he needed to do was look in the mirror. At the end of his life he spent most of his time watching Gunsmoke, Andy Griffith, Bonanza and Hogans Heros.

These are only a few of his many stories that we will always keep with us. He learned how to slow down and appreciate the smaller things in life and in doing so taught all around him how to do the same thing. 

Overall, his life is a testimony to how our Lord can deliver and set free a person’s soul giving them a new lease on life. As he left this world he smiled his Raymond smile, letting us know that he was entering the arms of our Father.

A little about Pop

The wound is still fresh. Scarcely, scabbed over with God’s salve. My own grandfather passed away April 30, 2009 and a few short months later I met Pop, Joseph’s grandfather.

Pop passed away last night, in the presence of his wife, Nonny. It was a swift and peaceful death, no suffering or prolonged hospital stays.

 Joseph always echoed, “I wish you knew Pop when”. When he would take them to Clemson games, take them fishing. When he would whistle “How Great Thou Art” in the car with his own unique arrangement.

But I feel lucky to have known him at all, to have spent two years getting to know him and his lovely bride, Nonny. What I know of him is only a pinprick in his life.

I know on June 1, 1952, he married his wife, Maxine. Together, they raised four children together and were married almost 59 years. (Next week would have been their 59th anniversary).

He was the former director of Charleston County Mental Health Clinic, Deputy Commissioner for S.C. Dept. of Mental Health for Community Mental Health Services for 15 years. During his tenure the number of Community Mental Health Centers increased from one to seventeen. He served as Psychiatric Services Chief for TriCounty Mental Health Center in Bennettsville, Director of the "Rose Center" at the Regional Medical Center in Orangeburg, and Special Consultant for Medicare Certification Program for NIMH.

He  was a pioneer in the field of autism, receiving the "Professional of the Year" award from the National Society for Autistic Children in 1975. In 1981 the S.C. Society for Autistic Children named their award "Raymond E. Ackerman Professional of the Year". He was honored "Distinguished Life Fellow" by the American Psychiatric Association in 2003. He was a member of Alpha Omega Alpha (Honor Medical Society).

He was known for his love of Clemson football and his sweet tooth. Every time I visited, (sometimes sporting a USC Gamecock t-shirt, just to tease him a little) he would have a twinkle in his eye and friendly bantering would ensue. There was always a bowl of candy on the kitchen table (it was the good stuff…he had a hankering for Reece’s peanut buttercups and Twix bars).

I have many fond memories of him, besides the ones listed above. Sitting and listening to his stories (which is always the greatest thing an older person can give to a younger person), rubbing lotion on his legs when he was in the hospital, scratching and rubbing his back and my favorite…hearing him tell me how happy he was to have me in the family. Those words meant so much. He made me feel completely welcome and at home.

Another memory is the way he looked at Nonny. Their love story is one that will stand through time. It was rare, beautiful and a love that we all should try to achieve in our marriages and relationships.

It was a joy to see Nonny laugh amongst tears, last night, while stories were shared about Pop and it was utterly heartbreaking to see her hug him one last time as we left the hospital.

 I am sure I will edit this post as I gather more information about this awesome man, father and pop.

It's been so long...since I've seen your face

10 points to anyone who names that tune.

SO it has been a while since the last post. A lot and nothing has gone on. My birthday came and went along with Easter.

My birthday was a magical one. My first birthday being a married woman...and my husband did not disappoint. The night started with a surprise visit to Al's Upstairs, a swanky Italian restaurant located in West Columbia. Al's has a beautiful view of downtown Columbia.



 I had the mixed grill (filet migon, salmon and lamb, anyone?) It was unbelievable and worth every penny. Joseph had Chicken Charleston...which was some sort of chicken. It was okay. It didn't touch my mixed grill. We ended with cheesecake. A ginormous piece at that...I didn't want to share with Joseph. It was so good, so rich and creamy. Almost sinful.

After the cheesecake, my husband decided it would be a marvelous idea for us to walk the riverwalk. I, however, did not think it was a good idea as I was in 3-inch heels and my stomach was full of cheesecake. We walked about 5 minutes before the complaining started and Joseph relunctantly headed back to the car.

We then took an interesting tour around downtown Charleston. We took a left...then another left....then another left and ended up back where we had started (at the State House). I was completely and utterly confused as to why we circled the block. We then headed over to the Flying Saucer where my hubs had set up an intimate surprise party with my favorite people. I wish I would have gotten a group shot!

I will leave you with this pic:

Here's looking at you, kid...

Monday night was date night. It was filled with pork chops that never seemed to be done (thanks to a faulty thermometer) and one of these:

Yes, that is a Sonic ice cream sundae. I ate the whole thing and I don't feel guilty about it. I may have felt a bit sick after scarfing down all the fudge at the bottom.

After the sundae we went to TJMaxx to get a movie. Did you know that they had movies? I didn't until last weekend while I was browsing around. I saw a shelf of movies and they had Casablanca. I made a mental note of the movie (and the price). So Tuesday night we drove by TJMaxx to pick it up.



You see, it was only a year or so ago that I first saw the iconic movie and Joseph had never seen it. Of course I had heard the usual lines, "Here's looking at you, kid",  "We'll always have Paris", "Of all the gin joints in all the towns, in all the world, she had to walk into mine" and of course "Play it again, Sam". (Actually that last line is never said in the movie but people always quote it as such...how's that for Funday Wednesday Trivia?)

Watching this movie made me think: What other great, classic, maybe even less known films from this era am I missing out on? There are so many wonderful qualities about movies made before 1960: the classic beauty, the gorgeous costumes, the absence of nudity and most of all the love story. I mean, even Lily Munster was gorgeous!

Exhibit A:



Also, I wonder why we never talk like the characters in old movies. I may be wrong, but the female lead seems to always have this breathy, slightly English accent with a knack for fainting on a whim. When was the last time you had a good swoon?

So, this begs the question: What are some great films of the 20th century?

On feeling aimless

Since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of achieving something huge. Over the course of my 25 (almost 26, yikes!) years I have wanted to be a teacher (age 9), a veterinarian (age 13), a writer (age 13-present), an actress (all ages). I had dreams and aspirations but I never mapped out a plan to get there. I always fielded life as it came to me, no matter how hard it was hit or fast it came at me.

I decided on my bachelor's degree major while I was in college. Going from undeclared to business (yeah, right...me a business major) to finally my first love, English. I am so incredibly happy with the education I obtained and the things I learned through the English Department at Coastal Carolina University. I met some amazing professors (Lecouras, Albergotti, Ennis) that refined not only my writing but my way of thinking and processing. Though everything was fine and dandy in the land of English, there really aren't exciting opportunities waiting to jump out at you.

So then I meandered to a Master's degree in Mass Communication. Besides the friends I met through the process, I was not impressed. $30,000 worth of student loans later, here I am. Sitting at my desk, drinking a mug of coffee generously made by my loving husband (because let's face it. He makes great coffee), doing work that has NOTHING to do with either of my degrees, wondering what I am doing with my life.

In the last four years I have obtained two degrees, married an amazing man, moved to a different city and found a job that most would kill for yet I am unimpressed. I feel mislead, confused and simply bored.

I try to think of my passions, what I am good at. I attempt to think of my dream job but all I see are visions of me on a beach with a radio and a fruity drink.

So what will satisfy? Becoming a mother? Traveling to a different country? Learning a new hobby? Writing a book, perhaps?

All sound amazing. All seem to be sparkly and pretty on the outside. I know, however, that each of the things above, all of my aspirations are temporary. They would bring impermanent satisfaction only to leave me wanting more. Needing more.

So what brings satisfaction? Happiness? Accomplishment?

I think I know.

On having a Super-Husband

I know that most of you, especially those of you who are married, think that your significant other is the greatest.

Well...I am sad to say that I may have the GREATEST-EST husband ever.

I have never really stopped to truly enjoy his strength, talents and creativity. But while looking around the house I came to realize just how talented he really is.



He is an awesome brewer, making many different styles of beers including stouts, sours, IPAs, rye ales and the list goes on (with the help of his friend Matthew). He is an amazing drummer and djembe player. I wish he would play more.

He is an avid disc-golf player, though I will admit that he hasn't played a lot lately as he chooses to spend time with me. But he gets out there on his day off and really has a great time!

He is also so talented around the house. Since we have been together he has: re-tiled the floor, replaced the 1940's Harvest Gold toilet, re-finished the Harvest Gold bathtub and replaced the vanity in the guest bathroom.



If that isn't enough, he has also tacked up the cabinets and pulled down wallpaper in the kitchen, painted the living room a nice shade of Macadamia Nut (aka beige), wired up the surround sound, pulled the fireplace cover off (it was a not-so-pretty gold), scrubbed our unsealed tile floors because they were driving me bananas, painted our bathroom, primed our ceiling for painting, cleaned the garage, raked leaves in the front yard, made a fire pit in the backyard.....the list goes on.

I can barely catch my breath listing all the things that he has done as an act of service. I could not imagine doing half of the things that he has accomplished and if I did attempt them it would look like a 2nd grader was allowed in the house to wreak havoc.

I am so grateful for such a loving, forgiving, sacrificing husband who is a leader through and through. I know much of it comes from the way he saw his parents interact growing up and I am so grateful. The majority of it comes from his relationship with Christ who gives him strength, grace and most of all unconditional love.

Doing Church

Church is a verb.

Yes, yes...I know. Church is also a building, a denomination, the clergy and a body of believers. Church has many definitions but there is one that I never knew existed. A definition that encompasses a community of believers in action, living life together.

Church is more than going to a building every Sunday, sitting down, standing up to sing, bowing your head during prayer and thinking about the football game that is coming on later and listening to a preacher man drone on about hell, fire and brimstone.

Church is about giving yourself freely to your Church family and the community that you live in. It is about washing each other's feet, giving up the shirt on your back, praying with fellow believers and making things happen to help your fellow-man.

Most of all church is about sharing the Gospel - the death, burial and resurrection of Christ and what that means for humankind.

Church is about family. Church is about love. Church is about Christ.

This past Sunday at church was a little different from the normal service we have. It was a night of worship, scripture and prayer. The Church was challenged to get out of their seat and pray for their neighbor. The service portrayed, to me, what Church is supposed to be.

We get so caught up in "playing the role" each Sunday. You know, the one where we plaster on a fake smile and tell everyone: "I'm doing fine!" When really, you feel as if your life is falling apart. A beautiful thing about Church is that you don't have to be okay all the time. You can come broken, scarred and upset. After all, Christ did say: "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28.

It's real. It's encouraging. It's living life with a community.

A long time coming

It has been 2 months since I have written anything besides a quick note in a birthday card, a grocery list, invitations to a baby shower and a quick note on my hand with a sharpie marker to remind me to pick up the produce basket (which I forgot to do).
It has been 2 months or 62 days since I have felt any sort of creativity. It is still lacking.

However, a lot has happened in 2 months, which is usually how it goes. Christmas came and went, as did New Years. I buried my self in watching the past five seasons of Bones instead of doing laundry or cleaning the house. I have since caught up on said housework. We had two amazing snow days which rarely occur in South Carolina. I have stepped out of my box and have started building relationships with smart, witty and creative couples.

The most amazing thing, though, was welcoming my first nephew into the world.

Jackson Drew Edwards was born at 3:09 p.m. on February 17, exactly a week after his daddy's birthday. He came into the world five weeks early and gratefully everything about him is perfect. Weighing in at 5 pounds and being a whopping 19 inches in length, Jackson had a full head of hair, long fingers and toes and the most beautiful face.



I never expected to feel any emotion besides happiness upon seeing Jackson. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I was in love. When I held him, the world stopped and all I could do was gaze at his little face in awe. I can only imagine what Heather and Drew felt when they first held their son.

While Joseph and I live 2 hours away from Drew, Heather and Jackson, I anticipate the joy of watching him grow up. I cannot wait to rejoice in his little triumphs of taking his first steps and saying his first words. I cannot wait until Joseph and I have children so little Jackson will have a cousin to grow with.

To Jackson: You are such a miracle. You have already brought a tremendous amount of joy to so many lives. I cannot wait to watch you grow. When you are older I will tell you stories about your dad and what he was like as a child. I hope that you grow strong in character and in faith.

On a new generation

My brother is having a baby.

Okay...well, his wife, Heather, is actually the one who will be doing all the work but nonetheless THEY are having a baby.

It is uncanny to think of my brother, the one that is only a year, two months and ten days older than me...the one who gave me nuggies and to this day pokes me relentlessly....the only brother I have....will be a father.

Heather, my sister-in-law, is now about 6 months along and last time I saw her she was getting the cutest round tummy! Drew is beaming and is terribly excited, though he tried to hide it.

That being said, it is hard living so far away. While two point five hours doesn't seem like a long way, when you have a nephew (yes, it's a boy!) on the way, it seems like millions of miles.

I know we will be there to enjoy him on special occasions but what about random afternoons?

I want to be close with them, to come over, babysit for mommy-daddy date night and most of all, to get experience for my own little one (which won't be for a while).

I don't know what it will look like to be an Aunt but I know I am excited and I can't wait to meet little Jackson!

It's that time of year, Christmas Cards!

Well, honestly, I have never had "that time of year" where I sent out Christmas cards. I remember seeing my mother write and send out beautifully decorated cards feature Jesus in a manger or glittery cards with snowmen and poinsettia.

But I have never had to send out cards. The first cards I ever sent out were our wedding invitations!

So...since I have yet to send out thank you notes to those who attended, sent gifts, said prayers and made our wedding day the amazing day that it was, I figure why not send out Christmas cards at the same time?

I am in luck! Shutterfly.com is running a special promotion for bloggers that mention their favorite cards on their blog.

So here goes!



I love this black, white and red snowflake themed card. As most of you know, Joseph and I incorporated black and red into our wedding. We are both huge fans of the colors. (Or is black a shade? The debate continues...)



This is another one of my favorites! I love the bright color as well as the idea of having a "warm" holiday. Those of you who live in the South (yes...I capitalized South) know that we RARELY have a white, frigid, Christmas. I do love the detail of the snowflake design.

And here are a couple more of my favs...just because...





All photocards can be found here.

You can also view Christmas Calendars and other Christmas Gifts from SHUTTERFLY! Such a great company! (I have ordered from Shutterfly before...if you were at the wedding you saw our awesome guest book. Guess what? It was from Shutterfly!)

So which one will I chose? Hmmm...