Thursday, October 6, 2011

Random thoughts for a Thursday

I haven't had much to blog about lately. Joseph and I celebrated our one year anniversary, quietly and simply.
My mom is dealing with the remnants of thyroid cancer. She starts radiation in two weeks and she is so exhausted. It is hard to be 2.5 hours away. I can't help her, clean for her, cook for her. I can't get the things she needs. Luckily, she has my dad and has had him for 32 years.
I find myself having jealousy issues towards those who are pregnant and/or have babies. I would have been twelve weeks this week but my baby never got "out of the woods".
On the other hand, we are now free to do as we please, travel, sleep in and not worry about another life. This brings about the issue of selfishness. Deep down, I want to continue being selfish, to not bring a baby into the mix because it's hard, tiring and completely changes your life. When you are someone who likes order and control, it is hard to think about losing that control.
Outside, the weather is fickle. Cold, warm, hot. Cold, warm, hot. Forever changing in what people call Indian Summers.
But it is time for bon fires, marshmallows and cider (or apple pie moonshine). It is time to pull out the sweaters but not yet time to put summer clothing away.
I find myself missing those I love so dearly. So much that my heart aches. I miss my mom and dad, I miss my sister, Katelyn, I miss my best friend, Vanessa.
I am missing out on their lives. Facebook can only do so much.

Anyway. Go listen to William Fitzsimmons.


  1. Your Mom is FINE, but I miss you! Your dad is doing an awesome job taking care of me. You will be an awesome Mom, but it is normal to feel pangs of emptiness while you are grieving the loss of your bundle that brought so much joy at just the right time in our lives, even if it was a mere moment. Seconds tick by slowly during the lingering days, but flash by the moment we beg for a millisecond more. Enjoy each breath, know that each milestone of life is lived fully and you will be satisfied. It's funny how cooler weather brings out nostalgia and memories, Kinda like the Autumn of Life I'd say. Precious! I love you, my weaver of words. ~Mom

  2. I didn't realize you had a blog! Praying for you!

  3. I see where you get your gift. Your mom also writes beautifully. I hope she's doing well. Please tell her "hi" from me.

  4. Thank you for reading Mrs. Henson :) Your comments mean a lot (especially because writing started in your classroom almost 21 years ago!

  5. That long ago? Yikes, you're getting old. : ) Keep it up - you're a talented writer.

  6. I just saw this Jess! I'm sorry you were feeling this way. I hope your emotions about the m/c have changed for the better. Just to let you know... I was missing you then too and I miss you now! You are right...facebook can only do so much. I get bitter sometimes about our crazy military life bc we do miss out on so much with the people we love. I want so badly to see how your house is coming along..have a double date with you guys...and to call you up and say... "Where you wanna meet for lunch tomorrow?" Maybe someday. :(