Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The happiest day of our lives....

so why are there tears?

So far, the wedding planning has gone off without a MAJOR hitch (minus the dilemma of my dress being a bit short...)

I have been happy as can be picking out colors, researching DIY projects and even gathering addresses for our guests. So why then do I feel so down on this lovely February morning?

I realized that the one man I want to be at the wedding will not be able to be there (which explains the sadness on Christmas day). My grandfather. While he and I had a love/bicker relationship (yes, yes we know. We were BOTH stubborn), we also had a wonderful grandpa/granddaughter relationship that was bathed in tradition, blackjack playing and coffee.

He and I would always play blackjack or UNO together while drinking unhealthy amounts of caffeine-ridden coffee. He would make silly Gomer-Pyle references and would say phrases that no one really understands or knows where they came from (ex. B double O, BOO y'all; Hello Wall") Yeah...I don't understand it either.

Since I can remember, which doesn't say much as I have a horrible memory, I have always shown my grandfather my new dresses. I would come home and immediately put it on so he could "ooh" and "ahh". The black dress I wore to his funeral was the last dress that I showed him before he passed away (which was a mere two weeks before I met Joseph). Tears well up just thinking that he will never see my wedding dress and it breaks my heart.

I know the saying that, "He will be watching from Heaven," but it doesn't make it any better. The fact is that he is not here to celebrate, to dance, to say his quirky sayings.

The only thing I can think to do is to come up with a beautiful DIY project in memory of him and our other loved ones who have passed.

What do you do when there is no remedy for the hurt that you feel? How do you deal with wedding-related emotional distress?

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