Monday, September 24, 2012

The One About Crying

Declining temperatures always brings more than coats and scarves. Along with cooler weather comes changing leaves and the promise of bonfires and s'mores. Apple cider (sans alcohol for us preggos which is sad as our good friend makes the most delicious apple pie moonshine), leggings and long sweaters, sweatshirts dug out from our high school and college days, slightly tattered but too comfortable and nostalgic to throw away. Pumpkins with funny faces and corn field mazes. Snuggling a little closer to those we love. Front porch, hot coffee mornings with dog-eared pages of your favorite classic.

And also, Fall cleaning. No one ever talks about fall cleaning. It is always, "spring cleaning this" and "spring cleaning that". What about fall?

Ackerman and I began our Fall cleaning yesterday, which mainly consisted of purging our 6 bookcases of duplicates and books we would never (and have no desire to) read, organizing the back room as it had been taken over by beer aliens, shuffling through papers that should have been filed long ago (W-2s from 2004 anyone?) and high school/college binders.

Fall cleaning while pregnant is a challenge. First, sitting on the floor does a number on your hips. I would waddle for a good minute, hunched over before I could stand up and walk straight. My husband (and my mom via telephone) were adament about me not picking up anything heavier than a pencil and then there are the emotions.

When you are pregnant, you cry. over. everything. Even if you are crying over nothing, the emotion that is welled up inside feels like you have lost a loved one. This has made me come to the conclusion that hormones are a pregnant woman's worst enemy. They make you sick in the first trimester and then uber emotional during the remainder.

Here are a few examples of meltdowns that I had. Note: this was just yesterday and happened within a 2-hour span.

Example 1:
We had some black mold issues in the nursery and had the mold professionally removed. Since then, I have not walked into the nursery. Yesterday, upon opening the door and stepping into the room, my face became instantly wet. Last time I checked, there wasn't a hole in the roof so yes, I must be crying. Over what you ask? I'm not quite sure. The realization of having a baby girl, knowing that this is where she will spend her first years...where WE will spend our first months getting to know each other. Maybe I was shedding tears over all of the work I have to do: tearing up carpet, pulling up carpet nails, refinishing the hardwood floor, putting down toe-molding, painting, etc...well who am I kidding? Most of the work will be done by Ackerman, but I am the one who makes lists and worries about it.

Example 2:
While rummaging through photos, I found one of my grandfather and me. He enjoying what was probably a Bud heavy and me enjoying a margarita. Why that photo made me cry, I am not sure. Was it that I miss him? Was it the memory of sharing in my first alcoholic beverage with him? (Well one of the first...) Or was it that I just plain miss tequila?

Example 3:
I came across a letter while filing that was written from Ackerman's friend Speegs while he was in basic. He wrote to Ackerman detailing life in the Navy. There was nothing sad about the letter. It just made me cry.

I will also note: it seems like once something makes you cry, it is hard to snap out of the funk. The rest of your day is on the brink of tears. Heaven forbid someone look at me the wrong way or I see one of those Sarah McLaughlin animal commercials...those puppy eyes get me every time!


  1. I still get those moments, 4 months after Michael-John's birth! But it's good, I love it :)

  2. awww. :-( this too shall pass...
    though the Speegs letter or the grandpa picture mighta' brought tears to my eyes too...just sayin.